Legal and money matters

When one of you has what is still potentially a life-threatening condition, making plans for the future could save a load of trouble later on. But, understandably, many of us are uncomfortable talking about illness and death – especially talking about our own with someone close to us.

"My partner just won’t talk about anything to do with illness, wills or finances. When I bring these things up he gets very agitated and walks away. I’ve told him we can’t bury our head in the sand forever. What happens if he suddenly gets ill? I feel I’m talking to a brick wall."

Rob

What the counsellor says…

Different strokes for different folks
Often a couple has one who wants to take care of these kind of things while the other prefers to put it off or not think about it all. The first step in negotiating these two ways of doing things is for you both to tell the other why you like doing things your way. That said, even HIV negative couples need to think about these legal and financial matters. Who knows what might be around the corner? The consequences of not being prepared can be serious.

What’s the rush?
If your partner was diagnosed some time ago he may have ‘normalised’ having HIV and no sooner wants to think about wills and death than your average HIV negative person. In the short term it may seem to him easier to ignore these major issues. But as you recognise, money and legal matters are best thought about in advance to save headaches later.
Failing that, and without hectoring him, you or a third person could try making him aware of what the consequences can be if something happened before these matters are sorted out. He’ll need convincing that by tackling things sooner rather than later he’ll save himself problems in the long run.

What worked for us...

“Even though I’m the HIV negative one, I made a will. When my boyfriend saw me sorting my affairs out he finally did the same.” 

Marcus and Adam

“My partner only decided to sort his finances out after my brother-in-law, a solicitor, had a word with him. What persuaded him was hearing about nightmares that can happen when you don’t make arrangements.”  

Ian and Jeff