Your Sex Life & HIV

But it’s likely one or both partners are concerned about HIV, especially at the start of the relationship or when a partner is first diagnosed. Risks that once seemed theoretical and far away (like the risk of oral sex) may seem more real when you know for sure each of you has a different HIV status. This worry can have a big impact on a couple’s sex life.

It can be easy to forget how we take risks everyday without worrying too much – travelling in a car, crossing the street, etc. But few things worth doing are risk-free. Just as it’s impossible to live a risk-free life, so it’s impossible to have a totally risk-free sex life. It’s up to you and your partner to judge how much risk you’re happy with.

If you have questions about the risk of HIV being passed on during different sex acts, you can read about this later in the section How safe is your  sex?  But for many men in a ‘mixed HIV status’ couple the problem isn’t being unsure about what ‘safer sex’ is. The difficulty comes from trying to keep to safer sex in the face of powerful feelings like love, lust and wanting to be close.